Advice for Single Men

Some clubs allow single men and others do not. Be sure to read each club’s website thoroughly and RSVP only for parties that welcome you.

With that said, here’s some advice for single men at swinger clubs.

Dress Like a Man

Think about how little boys dress. They wear baseball caps, t-shirts, jeans or shorts, and tennis shoes. A woman wanting a hot-wife date or MMF is looking for a man, not someone who dresses like her six-year-old.

While everyone’s style is different, button-down shirts and dress shoes separate you from most swinger single men (and most men in general!).

Be Ready to Perform

Heed this warning or end up getting embarrassed…you will not be able to get an erection in a swinger club without ED medication.

You may be thinking, “I’m young, I’m healthy, I’ve never had a problem.” But if you try to go au naturale, you’ll likely be the only man in the club without medication, and you’ll leave embarrassed. (And no, those gas-station dick pills are neither safe nor effective. Do. Not. Go. There.)

Swinger sex is not regular sex. You’re in a strange public environment with someone you met only an hour earlier. You can hear dance music and random conversations, and people may be watching you. Your partner may be getting fucked right beside you.

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Stop Leering

We learned this advice from reading a book about picking up women called The Game, by Neil Strauss. He says that when you see a beautiful woman, you have just a couple of seconds to decide whether you will approach her or not. It has to be an instantaneous decision: approach her right then or not at all.

The reason is simple: leering is creepy. It’s the #1 problem every couple has with single men in clubs. Single guys are afraid to approach, but they’re always just “there.”

“We look over, and he’s standing there smiling at us, hoping we will ask him to come over. We dance, and he’s made his way to the dance floor. We go to a playroom, and there he is, watching from a distance. He’s always there, just waiting for the wave-over. It’s both annoying and creepy. If he’d approach, we could tell him we aren’t interested, but he never comes. He sits there and hopes that a hot woman will wave him over.”

Single men, here is how to play this.

If you see a couple you’re interested in, approach and say, “Hi. I can only stay a second, but I want to let you know that I think you (looking at the woman) are very beautiful. I don’t know if you two are looking for a single male tonight or not, but if you are, please find me later. I won’t bother you again, but I’m around. Enjoy your night!”

Here’s why this works.

“When you approach and say, ‘I can only stay a second,’ you’ve immediately disarmed us. We’re afraid that when a single male comes to a table, he will never leave. We’ll be much more open to listening to you if you immediately reassure us that you aren’t there to monopolize our time. Then express interest and leave the ball in our court. You’ve made your point, and you can move on with your night.”

Drink Less

Don’t drink away the nerves. Alcohol doesn’t make you braver, cooler, or more handsome, but it does change your behavior and it can decrease sexual performance.

Pro tip: decide how much alcohol is correct for you to consume for an evening of fun. Then only bring that amount. If you bring a handle of vodka, for example, and expect to limit yourself while buzzed, you’re on track to overindulge and ruin your evening. Or someone else’s.

As a single male, your behavior is held to a different standard. While many lifestyle couples are looking for a third for a hot male/female/male threesome, everyone will be watching and judging you more harshly than they do couples.

Many clubs allow you to bring your own alcohol and offer free mixers onsite, but again, read the website carefully.